It's my turn and I'm so excited! I hope you guys enjoy.
Title: The Watcher Watch Diary ‘98
Warnings: Descriptions of torture and rape, and the aftermath of trauma.
Setting: The summer after Becoming 1&2
Summary: Sometimes Giles wasn’t the only one keeping a journal.
A/N: This was an experiment. I wanted to see if it would work to tell a story in a different form. Fifty pages later it looks like it may have worked. I hope you enjoy my attempt at something new.
A/N2: This is a precursor to ideas mentioned in Lover's Knot and The Party. It would have happened in the same verse.
The Watcher Watch Diary ‘98
5/22/98 - Willow Rosenberg
I’m making this first entry in the book, well, because this is all my plan, and I want to make sure everyone knows what it’s for. This afternoon, after Xander and Cordy drive Giles home, I’ve called a meeting of the remaining Scoobies. We’ve all seen Giles doing his best, but anyone that even cares a little bit can see how much he’s struggling. During the meeting, I will outline the plan to help him, and those who want to will put it into action. Details of the meeting will be in the next entry.
This diary is to serve two purposes. First, it’s to record everything that needs to be done for Giles. That way, we won’t forget anything important. These notes will also include our observations. Anything we see that will help each other care for him. We’ve already discovered a couple ways to help reduce the stress he feels. This way we can share information without the risk of him overhearing us talk, and hopefully he won’t discover what we’re doing and fight against us.
The second purpose is to give us a place to write down our feelings if we need to. I have no doubt we all care about Giles, and it will only be those of us that do who will use this book. It’s hard for us to even wrap our heads around what he’s gone through. And, in order to help him, we’ll have to open ourselves up to more than we may be ready for. Try to remember, WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. We’re doing this for Giles. Just think of what he’s been willing to do for all of us.
5/22/98 - Watcher-Watcher’s Meeting 1
Notes taken by: Oz
Attendees: Oz, Willow, Xander, Cordelia.
Willow calls the meeting to order. Goes over why we’re here.
Four days ago the library was attacked by vampires led by Drusilla. In the attack, Kendra was killed, Xander’s right arm was broken, Willow was crushed by a bookcase, she suffered head trauma and some bad bruising, and Giles was taken. Since then, we’ve sent Kendra’s body home to be buried. Xander is doing well with his arm. Willow is healing quickly, should be out of the wheelchair very soon.
Giles… We’ve found out that after he was taken, Angelus spent the whole night torturing him. The next morning, Xander went with Buffy and pulled him out while she fought the vamps. Giles is why we’re here. While the rest of us are recovering, he looks worse everyday. Buffy’s gone now. Nobody has heard from her since that morning. He’s worried about her. And we’re all worried about him. Earlier, Willow mentioned a touch of insomnia due to nightmares, and Giles commiserated. She’s sure he hasn’t slept since it all happened.
In order to get the best possible information to care for him, Willow and I hacked into his hospital records. We were looking for the medications he’s supposed to be taking. At this time, Willow has only listed some of the injuries described in his file for the group. I’ll admit, even I can’t imagine what that monster did to give him every injury they had to treat. Willow has stopped.
I’m pretty sure this is the first meeting I’ve been to where it was necessary to call a recess so everyone could cry.
Medications: (Simplified here for easy reference.)
Big Blue Caplets: For pain. Recommended to be taken every four hours, or as needed. We all know he’s not taking them and will likely fight us about it. (If you find a good trick, write it down!)
Big White Capsule: Anti-inflammatory. To be taken every four hours with the pain meds to help his joints heal.
Big White Round: Anti-biotic. Take one twice a day until gone. These might be the ones he takes without a problem. They must be afraid of an infection.
Little Yellow Round: Anti-anxiety. Recommended to take as need. Not sure yet why these were prescribed. Will need to find out.
Little White Round: For upset stomach. Take twice daily. To help with damage from the other drugs.
Medium Red Oval: For Sleep. Take before bed. Make him take these! Find some way to get them into him. Even if he doesn’t know. (Share helpful tricks.)
School lasts one more week. He does well in the library, but after that he’s going to need us. We don’t leave him alone. Someone will always happen to be around when he needs to go somewhere to help drive him. Also, we will find excuses to stay the night with him. Every night until we know he’s all right. This will be done alone or in pairs, as we fear too many at once will overwhelm him or give us away. We will do what needs to be done. It’s almost certain he won’t ask for, or even want, our help. So we have to be subtle but forceful. He won’t like it. Too bad!
Giles needs us.
Call for show of hands: those willing to enact the plan and be on call.
List of Official Watcher-Watchers:
5/22/98 - Xander
Ok. The meeting just ended and Willow asked me to make the next entry in this book. I’m supposed to write about the last three days. So, I guess, here’s how it all went down.
After the library got hit, I came to in the hospital and they fixed up my arm. Willow was in a coma and the cops were looking for Buffy. It wasn’t ‘til Cordy showed up that we figured out something bad was going down with Giles. When Buffy finally called and filled us in, Willow was awake and hell bent on re-doing that damn spell. I went after Buffy to help her finally take down Angel.
It was my job to find Giles and get him out. While Buffy fought the vamps, that’s what I did. When I found him… I’m glad none of the girls were with me. Not that they couldn’t have taken it, but no one should have to see someone they care about like that. When I first made it into the room they had him in, I thought my heart stopped. He was tied to that chair with his head down, and so pale and very still. I thought I was too late. I thought I was about to be dragging a body out of that god-dammed house. But, then he moved and moaned, and it was all I could do to make my muscles do what they had to. I can’t even describe here what in smelled like in there… What it felt like… All I wanted to do was hurl.
It might be important for you guys to know that when he saw me, at first, he didn’t believe I was really there. He said that they made him see things. Things he wanted to see. I said the first stupid thing that came into my head, but it worked. I untied him and got him out past the fight.
We got as far down the street as we could, but Giles really couldn’t walk and he’s too heavy for me to carry far. Luckily, I was able to wave down a car. The nice lady bought the story that my uncle was attacked and helped me get him to the hospital.
They made me wait out in the hall while they checked him over. Most of me was glad. The big guy had enough to worry about without me breaking down in front of him. I thought I was going to make it, stay strong, but then I heard the scream. I’ve never heard Giles scream before. We’ve all seen him take plenty of crap, but he never screamed. I’ve never heard anyone scream like that. It was the kind of sound you make when you have nothing left to make sound with. You know what I mean? But it echoed around me. I didn’t have any knees anymore and ended up on the floor crying. That’s where Cordy found me. She didn’t laugh or make a joke. She just held me. When the nurse came out, she took pity and told us that they had to put Giles’ hip back into joint and it was a very painful process. The bastard dislocated his hip! I didn’t even know that was possible.
A few minutes, or hours, it was all a nightmare blur, later, they wheeled him by on a gurney. He had to go into surgery to get his left hand put back together. Me and Cory went to wait in Willow’s room. When he came back out, a nice nurse let me go sit with him. I could tell she didn’t believe the uncle story, but she took pity on me. Besides, she said, “it would only do him good to see a familiar face when he came out of the anasti”—you know, when he woke up.
When he finally did, he asked me one question, “Where’s Buffy?” You all know I love Buffy, but the longer she’s gone, the more I want to… I don’t know, but Giles and her mom don’t deserve this.
You guys could probably hear what happened next from Willow’s room. It took a couple hours for the grogginess to wear off, then it was all ‘enough of this’ and going mad-Watcher on the hospital staff. Those poor doctors… had no idea how bad they were out matched in that battle of wills.
The pain was so bad, he didn’t even fight it when I went over to help him get dressed. Maybe he was just too busy arguing with everyone else to notice me. That same nice nurse showed up with a bag of all his meds while the docs were still trying to make him stay. Guess she knew a lost battle when she saw it. Finally, they got down to saying he needed a wheelchair for his hip. The big guy made them get him a crutch. We all know how bullheaded Giles can be, but at that time, watching it made me want to hug him, just because I knew at least part of him was still as strong as it ever was. Between the crutch and my shoulder he was up and mobile again. The first place he asked me to lead him was Willow’s room. You guys know what happened there, hugs, tears, worrying… Then Cordy drove me and Giles to his place.
The next day was Monday. We assumed he would skip school, but he made it clear he wasn’t going to. We talked him into letting us pick him up in the morning. The fact his car was still at the school made that argument easier.
Back to that night, we were so worried about him. At least the hospital got all the filth from that terrible place off him when they took him in for surgery. I’m not sure what we would have done if he’d got it into his head to try a shower or something. We got him settled in his chair and made him comfortable enough to rest for a while. Cordy said he wouldn’t be able to handle the stairs with his hip, so she made up the couch for him while he dozed. No one can say my girl loses her head when it’s important. I found some soup in his fridge and warmed it up for him. They had to sew up the roof of his mouth, and I though the soup would go down easy. While Giles dozed, he kept mumbling that he was sorry to Buffy. I’m not sure yet what they did to him, but I think he said something and now he feels like everything is his fault. Damn it, Buffy, where are you?
You all know he wasn’t happy with us taking care of him when he woke up. He grumbled that he didn’t need “nursemaids fussing over him”. I just told him that the grumpier he got, the more us nursemaids would fuss. That was at least enough get him to let us get some soup into him and settle him on the couch before we left. God, leaving him like that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I knew he needed time to himself and pushing him any more that night would have made things worse.
We got there early the next morning. Both me and Cordy didn’t sleep well because of nightmares. Plus, we were worried and thought Giles would need some help getting ready. Willow, I’ve never been so glad you have Oz looking out for you. You are just as bullheaded as our Watcher-man and I don’t know what I’d do if it was just me trying to take care of both of you. I did help him get dressed, and Cordy fixed us some oatmeal. With breakfast, she laid out all the pills he was supposed to take. She also put out the ones for my arm with my bowl. That way it just looked like she was taking care of her wounded boys. And it worked. I took mine and he took his. I kinda think the big guy has a soft spot for the girls and they might have more luck getting him to look after himself. At the very least, both our girls can match him when it comes to a glaring contest. When it’s this important anyway.
On the way to school he wanted to stop at the mansion. I knew it was coming. We had a plan, and Cory kept him busy checking over the statue while I went into ‘that’ room before he could think about it. It was just how we left it. Nothing changed, except that morning I added a pile of puke to the corner. There was no way I was letting Giles go back in that place. Thankfully, he was happy with my report. He also thinks the sword in the statue has shifted. I’m thinkin’ that means Buff sent Angelus to hell. After what he did, I can’t help hoping so. I hope he’s in a place where a hundred little Xanders spend all day kicking his evil ass. I know you tried, Willow, but you weren’t there to see what he did to our Watcher.
After that, we all met up at the school. Giles, of course, refusing to use his crutch or the sling for his hand. At least Willow was in her wheelchair. And no Buffy. My hand’s cramped up now, so I hope I covered most of what you guys need to know. He needs us, whether he wants to admit it or not. We can do this for him.
5/23/98 - Cordelia Chase
I suppose it’s my turn for this. So far, Willow’s plan seems to be working. Last night I dropped Xander off outside Giles’ place. He was going to give some story about his parents fighting and needing someplace quiet the crash for the night. I think it worked, because he never called me to go back and get him. We haven’t been able to talk without Giles around yet, so, if anything new happened, he’ll have to write it down for us later.
Anyway, here’s what happened with me today. I’m the only one with a free period before lunch, so, as we planned, I went to the library to make sure Giles was taking his pills. Of course, I had to set them up and watch him take them as usual. He keeps saying he wants to be alert if Buffy calls, but we’ve already seen that the pain pills don’t make him groggy or anything. You know, I think he wants to use the pain to punish himself. Like he has to make amends for some reason. He’s the one that was tortured, for God’s sake. What is it with men?
So, while I was in the library, Buffy’s mom showed up. She was like this crazy harpy, waving a note around and screaming at him. We finally worked out that the note was left by Buffy and she had written that Giles would explain the whole Slayer thing. It took her mom a couple days to remember who Giles was. Leave it to Buffy to drop everything in his lap, again.
You guys should have heard the awful things that woman was accusing Giles of. Now I know where Buffy gets her sanctimonious, holier-than-thou ‘tude. She was worse than that cop I had to set right on Monday. You know, I’m pretty good at spotting a sleaze bag when I see one. How can these people look at Giles and think he would do such things?
Buffy’s mom just kept shrieking at him. Accusing him of being all kinds of inappropriate with her daughter. Asking if Buffy gave him his injuries while she was fighting him off. And Giles just stood there and took it. He hung his head like he’d done everything she accused him of. Then she threatened to go to Snyder and get him fired, then call the police.
I held my tongue as long as I could, waiting for him, but damned if I’m gonna stand by and let a good man like Giles take that. He may be a king of losers, but he’s a good guy, you know.
So, I set her straight. Just like I did that cop before. I told her that Giles would never do any of the things her depraved imagination was coming up with. And what does that say about her anyway? I told her that, if it wasn‘t for Giles, her daughter, along with the rest of us, would be long dead several times over. Then I told her that he’d be all over going after her AWOL daughter if he wasn’t busy recovering from everything her ‘precious little angel’s’ psycho boyfriend did to him. She backed off pretty quick when I started talking about what Buffy let happen to him. Giles didn’t let me go very far once I got to that point, though. It was only because she looked like she might apologize to him that I stopped, for his sake.
She calmed down and Giles started to talk to her about how she could help in his plans to find Buffy. When I was sure he had everything under control, I left to get some food. Just thought you guys should know in case she got another bug up her butt. God, what is it with the Summers genes?
5/24/98 - Xander
I see that Cordy wrote something about me staying with Giles yesterday. Sorry I didn’t get a chance. Right now is the first time I’ve managed to hide in the stacks long enough to write anything. You guys are with him now. I can hear you joking around, trying to cheer him up. I hope you at least get a smile.
So, I’ve spent the last two nights at Giles’ place. Gave him a story that my folks were at each other again and I was hoping for a quiet place to get ready for finals. He seemed to buy it, said he was “glad that I was putting forth the effort”. Gotta tell you though, nights with the G-man right now aren’t as peaceful as they used to be. Willow was right about the nightmares. Even with the sleeping pills he’s woken up at least twice every night. Helpful tip… When he starts screaming, no one with a heart could not go and try to wake him. I think, even from a dead sleep, I took those stairs three at a time. But, when you do wake him, keep an eye on all the arms and legs. I’m thinking, because he couldn’t fight back before, he tries twice as hard now. More than once he’s knocked me down.
Oh, he talks in his sleep, too. Things that Angelus told him and did to him. I’ll warn you, just listening was enough to give me new nightmares. I don’t suggest doing much eavesdropping. But, I know, if we want to help him, the more we know the better. Hoping to have time to write down more of what I’ve learned later.
One more thing. Last night, after I woke him, he fell right back to sleep. I was so exhausted, I didn’t make it back down to the couch and fell asleep propped up on the bed beside him. The thing is, I think just having someone near him helped, because he slept the rest of the night. Gotta say, other than a kink in the neck when I woke up, it helped me too. For once I didn’t dream about finding him dead. Now, I’m not saying we should all start crawling into bed with the big guy, he might not go for that, but maybe we can figure something out to use that knowledge to help him.
And the pills… I told him that I need to take my pills at the same times he does, and that I forget and I can handle the pain without them anyway. He wouldn’t hear of that. Now he takes his just to make sure I take mine. How’s that for your backwards psycho-crap, Willow?
5/24 - Xander again
We just talked Giles into letting Oz crash at his place tonight. The girls thought I could use a break. I guess it is wearing on me a little. So, Oz told him his building was getting bug bombed, and Willow start saying how she wished her parents where leaving sooner so he could stay with her, and she somehow talked Giles into offering his couch. Sometimes I think the big guy’s just as helpless against her as the rest of us.
Anyway, Oz, there are still a few bandages that need to be changed in places he can’t easily reach. They’re on his back and a couple at the back of his thighs that he can’t really see. Wrapping up the hand that had surgery can be hard for him, too. He won’t ask you, so you have to find a way to get him to let you help him. For me, I just stepped in and started doing it before he could argue. And, all of you should be warned, his bruises are really dark now. I don’t know what the bastard beat him with, but when you get him to lift his shirt or anything, just trying not to make a big deal. He gets upset. I think he worries most that we worry about him.
And I said I’d write about his dreams… So far, it’s been a lot of just plain screaming in pain. But there are times he seems to be begging. And I don’t think he’s begging for himself. He says things like, “take me instead” and “leave her alone” and “they’re only children”. My best guess is, while Angelus was hurting him, he was also telling Giles about what he planned to do to Buffy and the rest of us. Now, he sees it all happening in his dreams. I’m more sure than ever that having one of us near him can only be of the good. I just hope we don’t screw up so bad he’ll try to push us away.
That’s all I can think of to help you right now. Good luck, Wolfman.