Title: Reason for Being
Word Count: 2,478
Characters/Pairing: Giles, Tara, Buffy, Xander
A/N: Third in my Vampire!Giles series. Set immediately following The Baser Instinct which followed The Victim of the Game But you don't have to read the first two in order to read this one. Just keep in mind Giles is a vampire(turned by Dru)
It wasn't going to work. Giles knew that now. He could no longer, forgive the pun, live like this. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop craving fresh blood. He didn't want it from a plastic bag. And he damn sure didn't want it from a butcher shop. He wanted it live from a human, fresh from the chase, adrenaline still flowing sweetly through it, giving the blood that extra bit of zing. His mouth actually watered from the mere thought of warm, sweet blood flowing into his mouth, coating his throat with its sticky goodness.
Buffy thought he had it all under control. The blood yearning, the pure lust but the truth of the matter was he didn't. It was only by sheer willpower alone he was able to keep from tearing her throat out or fucking her senseless. Both of those things were equally appealing to him. But it wasn't only the thought he wanted to do those things to the person he cared about the most that worried him but that he wanted to do them to the rest of the gang as well. No one was safe from him. Not Willow, Tara or Xander. Hell, he had even had immoral thoughts about Spike of all things. Mmmmm...Spike. The things he could do to that mouth or that body. He could bend Spike over the table and... Giles quickly turned his thoughts away from that scenario. Those kinds of thoughts weren't helping. There had to be something he could do to get himself under control. He also needed something to give him a reason for being or at the very least someway to stop him. But he was going to need help to find it. Quietly, he walked out of Buffy's house, determined to get the help he needed.
Thirty minutes later he found himself outside of her apartment building. If anyone could help him she could. Giles tapped his foot impatiently as he waited. What the hell was taking so long to open the door? He could hear footsteps echoing across the floor. Surely, common courtesy dictated one open the door when someone knocked no matter how late it was. His hand was paused over the door, ready to knock again when it was suddenly opened.
Ah, the good witch. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Tara. Is Willow here?"
Tara started to shake her head. "I'm sorry. She's..."
"I know it's late but I really need to speak with her about something of the utmost importance." Giles silently congratulated himself. He thought that sounded just secretive enough to peak the witch's curiosity.
A teasing smile curled the corners of his mouth as he quickly interrupted again. "Tara, what did we agree on before?"
Tara ducked her head. "I...I...I.." She cleared her throat and tried again. "I'm sorry, Giles."
Giles nodded his encouragement. "That's better."
"Willow's not here." Tara looked past Giles towards the deserted campus. "She probably won't be back for a while. Is there something I can help you with?"
Well, she wasn't the one he was expecting to see but still Tara would just have to do. "It's kind of a secret. Has Willow said anything to you about anything... new?"
He watched as Tara began to shake her head. "If Willow hasn't mentioned anything. It's probably better I not say anything either."
"But I would like to help if I can. I'm sure Willow won't mind. Why don't you come in and tell me about it?"
I thought you'd never ask. A soft smile flashed across his face. "Well, only if you're sure." Giles glanced around before he followed Tara into the apartment she shared with Willow. "Now, Tara, about that secret." As the lock clicked into place no one heard the screams that came from within.
Buffy sat on the couch her hands locked together and stared in disgust at the stack of books littering her coffee table. They had been at it for hours and were still coming up empty. Getting his soul back should have worked. After all it had worked for Angel. But for some reason it hadn't for her watcher, no matter how much he pretended other wise. "There's got to be something we're missing. There has to be a way to help him."
"There's only one way to help Giles now." Xander made a staking motion with his hand.
"That's not an option, Xander."
"He's a vampire, Buffy."
"I know what he is and I said it's not an option." Buffy glared at her friend. She knew Xander didn't like any vampire but still this was Giles. How could he even suggest something like that?
"It's not that I don't care for Giles. You know I do. But that thing wearing his face isn't Giles anymore. How much longer do you want to risk the rest of us? He's already tried to bite you. I..."
She knew she shouldn't have told him about that. "That was with Angel in the room. We were trying to help Giles learn to control his demon instincts." She couldn't stop the shiver at the thought of one particular instinct they had worked on after she'd left the room. Buffy gave herself a mental shake to get the thought out of her head. "He hasn't tried to bite me since and I've been alone with him hundreds of times since Angel left. He even helped bandage me up when I was........" At the look on Xander's face she let her sentence trail off.
"And that's another thing why did Angel leave so fast? Didn't he realize that Giles was still having problems?" Xander's eyes were round with shock as it finally dawned on him what she'd said. "You were alone with Giles and you were bleeding? Do you know the risk you were taking?"
"There was trouble in LA. Angel didn't have a choice. He had to leave. And they were my risks to take." She softened her tone before she continued. "Look at me. I'm fine, Xander. My point is if Giles had wanted to hurt me he had plenty of opportunities."
Xander wanted to grab Buffy by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. There was carrying loyalty too far and boy was the Buffster ever on that train. "Look, Buffy, I know that you....."
Buffy slapped her hands on her thighs as she stood up. "I've said no, Xander and that's final! Anyone who wants to hurt Giles has to come through me." She began to walk away. "If you want to help, find me another way." She tossed over her shoulder as she walked out the door.
"Tara!" Giles quickly let his vampire face relax back into his human one. The screams were starting to give him a headache. He started towards her but stopped as she quickly backed away renewing her screams with louder ones. "Tara, I beg you. Please stop the screaming. I promise you, I'm not here to hurt you."
Hysterical laughter bubbled up through the screams. She bet he said that to all the girls. Did he really think she would fall for that? An old saying popped into her mind. She might have been born at night but it wasn't last night. "You're a vampire!" She managed to get out between screams.
Well, if she isn't Miss Obvious.The urge to bite the screaming woman rode him hard. But not because he was hungry, he just wanted her to stop all the noise. It was beginning to hurt his ears. "Tara!"
Something about the tone of his voice got her attention. She immediately stopped screaming and turned to stare at him. Her eyes wide with fright.
Giles let out a huge sigh of relief as blessed silence filled the room. That was better. "I need your help, Tara."
"How did you...? Who...?"
A shiver of dread ran down his body. He didn't want to discuss that night or his Sire ever. "That doesn't matter now. What does matter is that I need you."
"W..w..w...wa...What do you want me to do?"
He whipped off the glasses he still wore and began to clean them. He didn't know why he did it, it wasn't like he needed them to see anymore. It was just a habit he couldn't break. He sighed again as he placed his glasses back on the bridge of his nose. "I can't fight this any longer, Tara. I can't..."
Tara couldn't keep silent. "You can't fight what, Mr. Giles?"
"Tara." Giles admonished quietly. He needed to hear his name spoken without formality. Maybe it would help keep his human part alive.
"I'm sorry, Giles. What can't you fight?"
"This." He quickly showed her his vampire face again. "I don't want..."
The witch started shaking her head before he could finish speaking. "There isn't a cure. If that's what you're after. There's no way to bring you back." She quickly began backing away as she spoke she didn't like the hungry look that was beginning to spread across his features.
Giles began to pace the floor in front of Tara. "I can feel it, Tara. The call of blood. Even now as we speak your blood is whispering to me, tempting me." He stopped to stare at her. "The demon in me is urging me to take you, to satisfy all of my lust." He began to pace almost before he had finished speaking.
The urge to scream again ripped through her body but somehow she managed to control it. Something he'd said had got her attention. "Wait a second. The demon in you?"
Giles couldn't resist the urge to roll his eyes. Apparently he had been around Xander too long. "Yes, Tara. I'm a vampire remember?" His tone was that of someone talking to a small child. "If there's no cure then my only recourse is to die permanently and I need your help to do it."
She knew Buffy wouldn't be able to handle it if something happened to Giles. Something worse. She had to find a way to help him and the demon was the key. Tara hurried over to the bookshelf where she and Willow kept all of their research. She picked up a very old, almost threadbare, book and began to quickly thumb through the pages. Finally, she found what she was looking for. Yes! That's it! "I think there may be another way."
"What? What is it?" Giles stopped in his tracks. She had his full undivided attention.
"Because you haven't ripped my throat out yet I'm assuming Willow performed the spell to return your soul to you?" She waited for Giles' nod before she continued, "That's what I thought. You're able to be around people but I'm going to guess it's hard especially in close proximity."
"What's the point?" Giles could see the vein in the side of Tara's neck pulsing with blood. He licked his lips in anticipation. It wouldn't be hard to reach out to her, pull her towards him and drain her dry before she could begin to scream. With great effort he pulled his eyes away from the sight.
Tara walked toward Giles, the book held out in front of her. "Look." She tapped the passage she'd read. As Giles read through the paragraph, Tara began to speak, "This is why you're having such a hard time. The will to control the lust is there because of your love and concern for humanity. But your demon is trying to take that control away."
He nodded his head in agreement. He knew that part already. He could feel the demon getting stronger every day.
"What everyone has failed to take into account when they gave you your soul back is that the demon would still be there inside of you. Just like Angelus is with Angel. But Angel has his demon locked inside of a cage. His still in there but he's unable to influence Angel in any way. And you don't have that yet."
"So, what do I do?"
"We find a way to give you that cage."
"You'll help me?"
A soft smile spread across Tara's face. "Of course I'll help you. Just keep your fangs to yourself."
As Tara turned and led the way to the couch, Giles bit back a groan and quickly clamped his teeth together. The urge to bite her was once more riding him. They'd better find something quick. He didn't know how much longer he would be able to control himself.
Two hours later and Tara finally found what she was looking for. "This is it, Giles." She quickly stood and began rummaging for candles.
A look of relief crossed his face as he stared at Tara. He'd been holding on to his control by a thread. If she hadn't found it... But thankfully she had.
The room went dark just as Tara finished placing the candles in a circle. Flames flared from the tapered tips as she held out her hand to Giles. "Step into the circle and repeat after me."
The light from the candles cast a soft glow on his face as he walked into the circle. He quickly said a silent prayer to every deity he could think of for the spell to work.
Her quiet voice echoed through the room as she began the spell. His voice quickly joined hers.
Acest organism nu este a ta
Locuiţi doar aici
Sunt în control
As the flames died down, the lights came back on. A huge smile spread across Giles' face. "You did it! I can still hear the demon but I'm me again! Thank you!" In his excitement, Giles couldn't stop himself, he picked Tara up in his arms and twirled her around the room. As he set her back onto her feet he bent his head and kissed her on the lips.
With a stunned look on her face, Tara pushed him away. "I thought you said it worked."
Tara's face was bright red. "Then why...why did you do that?"
"I'm sorry, Tara. I forgot myself in all the excitement." Giles ducked his head before she could see the gleam in his eyes. It was true that his demon was under control but he was still a vampire and he had all the urges that came with it. It was just now he could choose whether to act on them or not. And kissing Tara was something he'd always wanted to do. As a matter of fact there were a lot of other things he wanted to do too and now he could.
Giles traced Tara's jawline with his finger tips and without another word he turned and walked out the door. He was a vampire and thanks to Tara, he was going to make the best of it.
This body is not yours
You only reside here
I am in control